day off

November 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm (wala lang)

lately, i had been thinking of taking some days off or even a week leave, nothing to do but rest and relax.. – kain, tulog, fb, tulog, cross-stitch, kain, read… for a week!

i had this feeling of being too tired even before i start my working hours.. yung tipong makita ko pa lang mukha nila napapagod na ako.. no joke.

i had been trying so hard to feel and look positive in this work.. ignoring all the negative vibes around me including people na walang ginawa kundi ang magreklamo.. wala naman silang iniisip na solusyon..

i don’t want to rant.. i just simple wanted some day offs.. nakakapagod na, sa totoo lang.

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juanma and manpac

November 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm (thinking out loud)

oh well it should have been juan manuel marquez who had won..

or a ‘draw’ would make a more sensible decision.

eh ano magagawa ko, viewer lang ako na nakakita ng isang nakakalokong pangyayari, duh.

i am all for mr. pacquiao here, of course! but then again.. it was so clear how bad this one had went…

rematch?? tapos “luto” ulit? LOL

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kapitan K

November 14, 2011 at 7:51 pm (friends)

too happy to be able to talk to you again – email i mean..

one of the very few people whom i know really cares for me and truly supports me..

thank you for being such a real nice friend..

kampay kap! 🙂

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mami-miss kita

July 8, 2011 at 6:00 pm (friends)

ethan hunt is my cyber-friend… a very cool friend, na pare pa ang tawagan namin. we’ve known each other for a couple of years already… maraming usapan na kaming pinag-daanan, seryoso or lokohan, current events, history, kwentong barbero, book reviews, movie reviews, kwentong parlor, asaran, yabangan at kanya-kanyang views..lahat yan napag-usapan na namin…

the past few days i had been very emotional.. and feeling ko talaga nag-iisa ako.. then we talked.. and i have imparted something very private na sa tingin ko hindi nya matanggap or hindi niya inaasahan.

ayun nagalit… wala daw akong kwenta 😦 i was somehow expecting that kind of reaction.. but i was also hoping na sana maintindihan nya ako.

and today nagpapaalam siya, na mawawala siya. pansamantala.. kung hanggang kelan, hindi ko alam.

basta wag ko na daw muna siya kulitin, for he is facing some serious problems too and he doesn’t need my kind of distraction.

i got sad. pero naintindihan ko siya. sana lang wag matagal ha…

till then pare.

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i’m fine

July 6, 2011 at 8:46 pm (Uncategorized)

i’m fine.

after a day of being so high in sadness and misery… after a long day of silence and waiting… i’m fine.

tinawanan mo lang lahat ng sinabi ko.. and for the nth time, naniwala na naman ako.

i was thankful enough that the anger had subsided when i talked to you… kaya effective ulit ang mga sinabi.

nag-peksman ka pa. at nag-promise pa. san ka pa diba?

kaya, i’m fine.

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kulang pa din…

July 5, 2011 at 9:24 pm (Uncategorized)

sa pagkakalam ko naging mabuting ate naman ako, naging mabuting anak, naging mabuting tita, naging mabuting kaibigan, katrabaho, ka-chat. ka-text at ka-tropa… sa abot ng aking makakaya.. ginawa ko naman na kapaki-pakinabang ang sarili ko.. hindi naman ako pumatay, nagnakaw or nagbenta ng laman.. yun nga lang umibig ako sa maling sitwasyon.. gusto kong isipin na sa isang tamang lalake, kasi naging masaya naman ako.. at sa sampung taon.. naramdaman ko naman na minahal mo din ako.. bilang ako. pero sa totoo lang hindi ako sigurado kung hanggang saan umabot yung pagmamahal mo… ayaw kong mag-isip, kasi nasasaktan ako sa mga naiisip ko… isa lang naman ang alam ko, minahal kita ng buong buhay ko ng walang pagsisisi…

at sabi mo, ako ang buhay mo… naniwala ako. may mga pagkakataon na naaawa pa nga ako sayo.. at ipinaramdam mo na ako lang ang naniniwala sayo.. sa lahat ng mga nararamdam mo, hinanakit mo sa buhay, sa kabiguan mo, at maging sa tagumpay mo.

para sa akin naman, ikaw ang mundo ko.. hindi man kita madalas na kakampi sa hamon ng buhay na naranasan ko, naging inspirasyon naman kita para mabuhay.. at isipin na mabaet ang Diyos ng makilala kita… at kahit ganun, para sa akin isa kang matinding blessing, na para bang napakapalad ko at nakilala kita… kahit na may mga pagkakataong halos maubos ang luha ko ng dahil sa sayo.. na halos hindi ko na alam ang ibig sabihin ng sama ng loob dahil naging normal na para sa ating dalawa yun.. na hindi lang isang beses akong nakaramdam ng pagkabalewala… at minsan ko na din na ginustong sumuko.

pero mahal kita.. yun ang alam ko. kung kawalan ng respeto sa sarili ang mahalin ka, ano ang gagawin ko? kung ikaw mismo ang buhay ko.

marami na akong hirap na naranasan.. hindi lang isang beses na pinaiyak mo ko.. pero babalik at babalik pa din ang puso ko sayo.

at may mga pagkakataon, na lantaran mo na akong gawing tanga.. na sa pagaakala mo hindi ko alam ang nangyayari.. ang hindi mo alam, umiiyak ako sa lahat ng yun.

ginawa ko na naman ang lahat ng makakaya ko, sa paraang alam ko na ikakatuwa mo.. pero bakit kulang pa din?

may iba pa din…

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July 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm (emo lang)

sometimes, i wanted to believe na you were just here out of comfortability.. now i really don’t understand it at all. just too much for me right now. i’ve done everything for us, the best way i could. i even love you more than myself. and i don’t regret it. kasi happy ako dun.. you’ve been good to me naman, i know you had tried so hard to keep up.. to show me how much you care.. pero bakit ganun? kulang pa rin ba ako para sayo? hindi pa rin sapat?

Please, that’s enough, that’s enough
Please, I’ve said this a million times before
And I’m sick

But all that I need
And all that I breath
And all that I care for is you

😐

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still not enough

July 5, 2011 at 4:49 pm (emo lang) ()

i was under the illusion that i have already proven my worth… but for you it has been always not enough.. i have given-up one of the most important and life changing moment i had been waiting and dreaming for… i had to give up because it would be really unfair for the other person when i know i don’t deserve his affection and love because in my heart i know ikaw lang ang kailangan ko para mabuhay… lahat ng actions ko that involves you hindi ko pinagsisihan.. na kahit gaano ako katalo sa sitwasyon ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin ko..

maybe it’s time for to choose the right path, na kahit gaano kasakit… i have to be on the right track, on the right direction… because i truly believed i tried so hard just to be with you, no matter what… 10 years. and it was not easy… you might have no idea what i have been thru in that 10 long years… or did you even care enough?

akala ko, the past few days sobrang TH lang talaga ako.. yun naman pala dapat naman pala ako makaramdam ng kakaiba.

i don’t know how will you be able to explain this one. but one thing is for sure, i am hurting so much.

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just happy & learning the make-up!

June 30, 2011 at 5:44 pm (Uncategorized)

happy ako… for the effort, i truly truly truly love it! 🙂 kahapon kung anong bwisit ang nararamdaman ko, masaya naman ako ngayon… and i get to see how hard you are trying to put up with me, with my tantrums, in your little ways 😀 and you just don’t know how much it really means to me.. naks.

last night i’ve decided na magpaka-steady na lang muna.. sa lahat ng bagay na may kinalaman sayo… kasi sa totoo lang nasisira ang inner peace ko pagdating sayo.. na pinaghihirapan ko ng bongga! at aaminin ko selosa talaga ako.. yun yata ang matindi kong kalaban 😐

pero as i’ve said titigilan ko na yang mga ganyang alalahanin… i would really learn na pabayaan ka sa kung ano man ang gusto mo ng hindi ako makakaramdam ng kahit na ano mang pagka-bwisit ng matindi… i know minsan selfish lang talaga ako.. pero ikaw din naman. kaya patas lang :p

and i’m praying, whatever we have right now, it would make us a better person.. i-enjoy na lang kita! 😀

——–

im not a solid kris aquino fan, but i like her (not just because, binasa nya yung tweet ko live! on national tv! hehehe). i like her wit and intelligence, but sometimes uber talaga siya sa kateklasahan! siya na talaga! her already! :p

what i’m enjoying about kris right now, is her new show.. kris tv! havey! 😀

today, they talked about girl things.. dress, make-up, emotions.. panalo! i’m more particularly amazed on the make-up tips.. ang nakakatawa pa nito i don’t wear make-up until just late last year.. i really don’t know how they works for ladies.. feeling ko noon ubos oras lang… ako kasi ang babaeng wash and wear.. promise. ni hindi nga ako naglo-lotion.. noon yun! hehehe as in im not really bothered at all.. ligo-deodorant-loose powder lang, ok na ako. i don’t even apply lipstick. naku mali ka, hindi ako pang-beauty queen. na kahit hindi ayusan gandang dyosa pa din.. wala ako nun! hehehe siguro lang im not just a type of girl na pang-make up.

but then i guess, nowadays we need to at least know how to apply simple blush-ons 🙂 kaya lang may violent reactions ang mga kapatid kong lalake, being the eldest ate and in 30s… “kung kelan ka naman tumanda, tsaka ka nag-apply ng mga ganyan-ganyan!”… mga hudas diba?!?! lakas makasira ng trip! hehehe

i just realize how important din to girls na mag-ayos at maglagay ng kung ano-ano sa mukha 🙂 not too much vain, yung sakto lang.. late bloomer lang teh?? hehehe

ah basta! magmi-make-up ako 🙂

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TH

June 29, 2011 at 6:57 pm (Uncategorized)

hindi ako war-freak na tao.. at nakakapag-pigil ako ng emosyon kung kinakailangan.. yun nga lang may ugali akong patola… pinapatulan ko ang mga maliliit na bagay na sobrang nakakapagpa-irita sa akin… hay.

lately, madalas akong magduda at makaramdam ng kakaiba, hindi.. hindi naman ako adik.. tamang hinala lang talaga.. at mas madalas kapag ako naghinala bibihira sumablay.. kumbaga laging 98% (yabang! hehe) pero totoo yun.. iba ang gut feel ko.. malakas ang intuition ko..

kaya lately din madalas ang ating pagtatalo.. syempre hindi naman talaga ako magpapatalo sayo.. alam mo yan. may pagkakataon na hindi ako kumikibo but it doesn’t mean na tama ka.. ang totoo na iirita lang ako sa mga alibi mo.. at kung hindi ako tatahimik baka bumulagta ka dahil nasipa na pala kita.

sabi mo, matulog ako ng maaga.. iwasan ko muna ang internet.. kasi kapag kulang ako sa tulog at puyat ako, ikaw na pagdidiskitahan ko.. at kung ano-ano ang niisip ko, so in short tingin mo sa akin paranoid.. galing mo din dude!

pero minsan may punto ka. puyat nga lang ako at tamang hinala. pero mas madalas kasi na tama ang hinala ko… kaya dapat nag-iingat ka. hindi kita tinatakot.. wina-warningan lang kita :p

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